Queen of Dreams

Author: Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni


Once again i have built a nonsense relation with a book, that usually ends up with returning the book to the shelf before even finished it.

Reading the early pages of Queen of Dreams, led me to the nuance of the dim early morning light in Harafish, and the intangible mysery that filled the air like in Sister of My Heart. It’s the feeling that always come over me everytime i read Mahfouz or Divakaruni. But even so, each of them has their own beauty. A different beauty in each reading.

By reading the poetry-like sentences that spread already from the first pages, i’d suspected that it would be another book i would failed to finished. Another Angela’s Ashes or even another Sister of My Heart. Books i failed to finished on fear of facing the implicit mysery.

But Queen of Dreams is beautiful indeed. As i went throught the first pages, i can already sensed the sadness pricking, and it was not a usual sadness. It was something more complicated. Something that has to do with being mentally isolated while physically obliged to fight the world, just like everyone else that passes the street every morning, hurried in their duty to survive and earn life. And yet it described in a swifting, daydreaming-like, sentence.

From my first encounter with the character of Rakhi, i could already tell what i’d find in the next pages of her narrative. It was a narrative of confusement, weary, and uneasy feeling about life. Actually it was quite nice, i mean, the narrative was telling about the gloomy situation, in a cynical yet cheerful and optimistic way, an angry to life-perfectionist-but-lousy-young mother way.
Just..my way it is:)

I started to mirrored my self in Rakhi and surprised of the emotion mix. It’s a surprise to find so many mixtures and opposite emotions. It’s a surprise to see how things going in wrong direction. How my life__just realized this__is like a traffic jam where everything is standing on each other’s way and demanding more and more attention. It’s a topsy turny life. And yet i also found how funny it is. You can only realize it after seeing it in somebody else’s life. It’s like your life has been perfect all this time and there’s nothing to be laughed at. While actually there was.

Your life has been somewhat confusing. A person you used to believed and you have gave your life to turned out to be not so much as what it seemed. The storm is coming. The sky is falling. Your life is failing. Hands are around but no one seems to fit your need. There was always something behind. You can’t feel your hand nor your feet. They were always seem to move in directions that you never planned. They seemed to be no longer your hand and feet. They don’t like you and they won’t obey you. They betray you. Just like your faith did.

And there it is. That’s what would happen when you lost your faith. You lost everything.You feel numb. Your life goes on but it’s not a life you used to know. Things are turning their back on you. Your job is silly, and money is away. You areon the road, on the bus, on the train, on your desk, with the computer, with the friends, with hundreds of people in bus station, but you are not a part of the world.
There were always something you can’t see. There were always something beyond your comprehension. And that makes you feel more lonely. Your daughter is the only thing that kept you from giving up.

Reading the book to me was like talking to a good friend. Sharing the same thing and knowing that it is okay to be stupid sometimes. That it is okay to get angry to life sometimes. And the most important thing is to stand up again and it is also okay to choose any way you like in doing that. Be selfish when it comes to you and your daughter’s life. Let the world just watch.

So again, i have to admit that this lady Divakaruni is a very smart, and deep-hearted writer. She talked about mother-daughter relationship in a way that would surprise you. Revealing things you didn’t realize all this time in your mother-daughter’s life.

I guess it has touched me that far because of the similarity. But i’m sure that only a deep-hearted person can dig that deep too.